Life As I Know It

You know that picture you have of  life in your head.  The dreamy one.  The one you read about on "other people's blogs".  Oh, if only I was a homeschooling, back to the land,  Julia Childish, yoga guruish, perfect husband, children, weather, chickens, make everything from scratch, sew my own clothes, never lose my temper, house always perfectly simple, organized, quaint and spot-free kind of thing.  

That's kind of the problem I have with the blog world sometimes.  Because in reality, none of us are all of those or even part of those things.  My favorite blogs are from "real" people because they are open, they are honest, they dialogue the good, bad and ugly.  Life can be beautiful and  messy, all at the same time.

It is Flickr, it seems, that has shown me so much more about documenting real life.  Doing 30 days of Gratitude this November has shown me how easy it is to document all these parts of life.  It's also given me a new look at how much beauty, how much perfection there is in my life right now, just as it is.  The best part is it is much easier to grab one photo and a handful of words to sum up your day, and  flip through your Flickr contacts to see their visions of their lives through the lenses of their cameras.

Now I am a 365 dropout.  I didn't make it past March this year taking a photo a day, so I cannot imagine (even though it is a nice thought and possibility) that I could continue a year's worth of gratitude but I want to continue to make this daily connection with the positive in my life.  I want to continue this journey of loving my life just as it is and I am thankful for all the wonderful new contacts I've made there through this project.

This year has been a new path in my journey. A path of looking internally.  A path of self-acceptance.  A path that has led me to believe in myself and this life.  I don't need to make comparisons anymore.  When I look at the things I have written, at the photos I have taken this year, they are deeply personal.  They are much more internal, much more reflective.

This is me, the way I am.  And as one of those real blog friends of mine would say, this is my life.

And I am proud of it.

Just Now: 11/18/11

current time: 9:40 p.m.

in my mug: cuppa tea, you  know it.

in my belly: smoked sausage with black beans & rice and roasted vegetables.

in my ears: "Say Hey" Michael Franti & Spearhead, the song Karelyn and I always shake our booties to.

on the nightstand: cell phone, an olive tree carved heart, and "The Slippery Year" which I cannot put down.

on the editor: daily gratitude, I cannot believe I have posted a photo a day on Flickr for 18 days.

last watched: Conan O'Brien, I love him, am so glad he has a new show, even if I have to DVR it and watch three or four days behind.

feeling good about: getting the courage to start doing real, self-portraits.

feeling bummed about: not seeming to have the energy or time to work out everyday.

last thing that made me laugh: this, shared by Sarah, if you love those darn kitty cats.

last thing that made me stop and think: this lovely quote on Twitter: "You don't love someone because they are beautiful, you love them because their heart sings a song only yours can understand"

Priorities.

Here lie my two most important.  I know I have been gone from this space longer than usual.  I know I have been away from Little Bits for even longer.  I'm dreadfully sorry it's been even longer since I made real blog rounds.  This past week I've been sorting out priorities.  It seems you only get so much time in a day (bummer, most days really) and I have tried what is a novel idea of doing the things that should be done prior to the little extras which means more time here in the real world.

My girls and I had a kick-ass night last night.  I mean one of those nights where you laugh so hard at dinner your daughter has to spit out her food so she doesn't choke.  We have re-introduced the bedtime story, every drawer and cabinet in my kitchen was purged and organized last weekend, the animals bins have been emptied daily and the house looks less like a tornado has just blown through.

I started writing on the weekends, real writing that comes from my soul.  Writing that makes me proud.  I found a writing partner across the ocean and today we sent our first bits of writing off to each other.  When I get done here I will draft off Day 2 to send her tomorrow a.m.

I started 30 days of gratitude on Flickr.  Every day, a photo and a message of something I am grateful for.  I thought it would be fun. It ended up being something more for me.  It reminded me that I need to slow down and appreciate the fantastic things I have around me on a daily basis while they are here.  It reminded me that first and foremost I have to blog, I have to write, I have to photograph for me.

There is a limited amount of time, both in the day-to-day and during this lifetime so I have chosen carefully what I want to focus on.  I want to go out to dinner each month with my adult girls and drink wine and eat good food and laugh in a way I cannot do here at home.  I want to spend more nights wrapped up in a blanket with my little girls or out daring them to push themselves. I want to finally finish making this home the simple nest I've been envisioning now for two years. I want to go ahead and lay casually in bed and talk on the phone late at night like a teenage girl and find a new form for an old relationship.  I want to explore my writing and my photography in a way that does not elicit pressure.

I am remaining committed to this blog because it is as much home to me as everything else in my life.  I am putting Little Bits on the backburner because as much as I like it, I don't love it enough.  I organized my blogroll so that when I have the time I can find  my friends and the places that provide  inspiration easily.

And that's the whole of what I've been doing.

A Poem.

I have written four today, here in the  quiet of the house, but Emily wrote this one, last night and took it with her to school.

Veterans

Veterans are people who fought in the war.

Veterans are heroic and brave.

They might lose their hearing or get an injury.

My Grandpa is a veteran.

He lost almost all of his hearing.

We should respect our veterans everyday.

Even when it's not Veteran's Day.

Emily, Grade Four.

Wordless Wednesday: Falling Like The Leaves

sleeping in the forest.

one day, maybe i can write something as beautiful as

Mary Oliver

*****

Sleeping in the Forest

I thought the earth remembered me, she 
took me back so tenderly, arranging 
her dark skirts, her pockets 
full of lichens and seeds. I slept 
as never before, a stone 
on the riverbed, nothing 
between me and the white fire of the stars 
but my thoughts, and they floated 
light as moths among the branches 
of the perfect trees. All night 
I heard the small kingdoms breathing 
around me, the insects, and the birds
who do their work in the darkness. All night 
I rose and fell, as if in water, grappling 
with a luminous doom. By morning 
I had vanished at least a dozen times 
into something better.

Just Now: 11/6/11

Just now....I went to an Aveda store and had them make me up.  I have always wanted to do that and now I have.

Just now...I found a pair of jeans that fit, and they are two sizes smaller than the beginning of the year.

Just now....I finished working out for an hour.

Just now....I am wearing a comfy new pair of flannel pyjamas.

Just now...I am eating peanut butter and chocolate chips on banana for dinner at 11:18 p.m.

Just now....I got my camera back from repair.

Just now...the kids are asleep in my bed...again.

Just now...I had an urge to have a one-year old again.

Just now...I got an email from a new writing partner in the U.K.

Just now...the cat is throwing up under the table.

Just now...there is one more load of laundry upstairs.

Just now...I am missing my call from Colorado.

Just now...I am happy to have a seven-year old who reads books to cats.

Just now...I am going to look for a card for a friend who accomplished something wonderful.

Just now...I am  content.

30 Days of Gratitude

Gratitude 4:30

Hot water, hot tea and a nice relaxing bath at the end of the day. Also, Burt's Baby Bee Wash & Shampoo. I started using it because it reminded me of my girls when they were babies and have since found that it's the best thing I could find for my skin and hair.

My days are so hectic that sometimes I just feel the need to escape from everything and everyone. I have found a new way to deal with my stress:

ipod, hot tea, candle, darkness and surrounding myself in the healing balm of the water, let the children destroy the house and the dishes sit in the sink, everything is okay right here.

the vote.

I have  sworn to not talk politics here, but somehow it does creep in now and then, and today I am going to post about it again.

Here is my conondrum.  I hate the system we have in place.  I feel for all it's intended strengths, the two-party system, DEMS vs REP's, will never allow us to get anything worthwhile accomplished. I gave up a long time ago  believing that any true good will come out of the government and spend most of my time more interested in the works of some of my favorite philanthropists, humanitarians and general do-gooders.

Until Election Day. Election Day is kind of my reality TV addiction.  I get so engrossed in internet news updates and Facebook debates (Facebook has to be THE place to be on Election Day for entertainment) that I even forget to eat or go to bed.  I get SO caught up in all the drama.  The reality is in the end it doesn't really mean too much to me, new faces coming in to face the same problems to be resolved or more than likely not and I know that's a crappy attitude.  I really don't care to fix it.  I don't want to bail out on my DEM's, join the REP's or join a tea party (unless there are scones, if there are scones, I'M IN).  I'll just do my due diligence, make sure I vote the best I can and then wake up Wednesday and go back to following and supporting my do-g0oders.

I am a registered Democrat (aren't you surprised) but I more vote with my heart.  In the past I haven't paid as much attention to local politics, but like everyone else this year, I inhaled as much information as possible about all our local and Maryland candidates, and as it seems (unlike a whole lot of people) I didn't vote party lines.  I split my vote.

But I tend to shy away from Republicans.  Except it seems maybe a couple of Republicans I seem to be kind of fond of.

November 2nd.

Use your voice.

Because there are others who would die to.

Some do die to.

Some who wish to and cannot.

And because all those people whose messages you hate

(whoever they are)

They are voting too.