hi there...i've moved.

hi there!  thanks for popping by.  i neglected this space in my great big move.

i moved!

so don't leave me behind.

i am blogging now at a little place called this quiet house.

it's a pretty sweet place.  lots of calm and comfort.

and the perfect place for me to sit and ponder and continue this journey.

Please join me there!  Keep in touch!

P.S.  You can also join me on the Facebook Page.

december settles in

{a shot from the colonial house tours last weekend}

Here we are now in December.  We are nearing the end of another year.  Again, much has happened. When did life begin to pass so quickly?  Was it always this way and I am just now noticing?  We've had our first snows.  The leaves on the trees are long gone.  Our Christmas tree has been up with only the lights on.  Last night we finally finished decorating.

My Grandfather is recuperated and home.  He is 88 and time and his body are wearing thin.  We are glad to have him home though as he and my Grandmother just celebrated their 69th wedding anniversary on the 13th.  Such a rare thing anymore that kind of lasting love.  They truly would not know how to live without one another anymore and as the days, months, years pass by, I know they feel the burden of the fact that one day they may face being apart.  For now, my Grandfather sits in his chair, with his favorite cat on his lap and my Grandmother is resting after days upon weeks of visiting at the rehab center.  Things feel right here in our corner of the world again.

The cattle that I've photographed so many times in the field across the road from us are gone.  The farmer is moving out the middle of next month.  We are happy about this decision.  He was a lot of things, many names I could call, but I'll just say a bully.  His wife left some months ago and we are hoping for gentler neighbors coming our way next year.

Next year, seems hard to believe, but it's almost upon us.  I've begun thinking about what next year should mean for me.  I know I want to make some changes here so that I can come back and start fresh.  Under The Big Blue Sky was what I started with, six years ago when I was documenting the new life I was starting with my two young daughters.  The world had opened back up to us again and we were exploring.

But they are teenagers now.  Loud and vivacious, and branching out.  No longer am I leading them.  Now they are forging their own paths.  I am still here, facilitating, listening, handing out advice when asked.  So much has changed.

This year I have struggled with the amount of energy that is required of me.  The enthusiasm, the drama, the thrumming of girls on the brink of becoming young women.  More and more often, the house is filled with friends and boys and we aren't sitting quietly at tables creating artwork before bedtime. They are filling the house with their buzzing laughter and opinions and making references to things I no longer understand.  I am ordering pizza for a crowd and trying to keep my eyes open while they hang out until the late hours, but I am so glad that they are here and I am getting to experience this with them.

I am looking for quiet though.  Calm.  Peace.  It's still hard, perhaps even harder being a single mother of two teenage girls.  Lots of running, lots of attitudes to wake up and come home to.  Some days I want to sneak away in the night.  Cloister myself in a place of peace or find a little hideaway in the woods.

Quiet.  Calm.  Peace. Kindness.

This midlife focus on returning to myself.  Another year has passed by and I will be forty-three next  year.  I am thinking again about what I value and what it is I am supposed to bring to this world.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you my friends. Let it bring blessings to us all.   I hope to see more of you in the new year under a new name.


november comes

October flew by in a frenzy and somehow I found I had wondered away from this space.  Things  happened.  We were caught up in life.  Another Halloween party came and went.  My daughter went on her first double date to the movies, though we dare not really call it that to her face.  She came home glowing and I wanted her to forever hold onto this still innocent walking on thin air version of affection.  More and more to me she is looking like the teenager she is becoming.  Still she curls up next to me on the couch and wraps her arms around my neck in the kitchen as I cook dinner.   She's one of the coolest kids I know.  My youngest has hit that wall of pushing me away.  Luckily, through Em, I know that this will not last.  Ah poor firstborns, taking the brunt of the confusion and punishment, paving the way for their younger siblings.  I know that K too, will draw closer to me again in the next few years.

We have had troubling times.  My Grandfather is ill.  Our beloved dog gave us a scare.  My youngest had an injury.  Money has been draining away faster than I can fill it in.  October was a scary month, but in none of the ways we might have imagined. Still, we are here.  We are together.

November comes and with it inspiration.  Always it has been on the cusp of fall and winter that I find myself and feel the urge to write again.  So many joys to record, even in the midst of troubled times.

Geese flying overhead.  Fields turned a faded brown.  The smell of wet leaves and damp earth.  The first plumes of woodsmoke in the air.  The chill of a morning walk. Pies baking in the oven.  The first early sneak of Christmas music while I work around the house.

And always when emotions run high, is when it is easiest for me to write.  The passing of ordinary days make for grand gratitude lists, but when the heart opens, when it fills and tilts and spills, that is when the true words pour onto the pages.  I come home to myself and find comfort in the early darkness of November evenings.

Here is to November. Welcome.

Let your beauty shine forth and give me the words to capture what you may choose to bring.

Autumn Welcome

It's officially fall here.  The leaves have started their turning. The mornings are chilly enough to put on a vest for the morning walk.  I've started to put suet out again.  We went to the apple butter festival on Saturday.  We had warm apple cider for breakfast this morning.  Pumpkin pancakes are on the menu again for breakfast.  I've added soup and baking to the weekly meal plan.

As I always say, this IS my favorite time of year.  To me there is something refreshing about fall.  I enjoy my time in the kitchen again.  I pile blankets onto the bed.  I feel the need to slow down and prepare for the winter.

October is always a full month for us.  We took my best friend's children to the Apple Butter Festival yesterday.  There was much to do, but they most enjoyed running back and forth across the grass and rolling down the hill.  I forgot what it was like to have little ones again.  Their pure joy at the simplest of things like, hills and cornstalks, water in the creek, cats and dogs reminded me again of simplicity. At eleven and thirteen, my girls are anything but simple.  But I forgot the energy levels needed for the preschool set, how they are constantly in motion, constantly searching for that next thing, hardly ever still.  It reminds me (sorry Liz) of how grateful I am to be slowing down.  Being an Auntie is easier.

Today (Sunday) we are going to the community theatre to see an adaptation of The Addams Family. Next week we will have my step-father's 80th birthday celebration.  The weekend after is our Halloween party, our first boy/girl party.

I know it will all blur by as we make our way to the holidays.  Ah these favorite months of mine.

Farm season is coming to a close.  I have two more weeks writing for the farm blog.  Our farmer friends have opted out of a CSA next year and instead are going to grow for a farm stand.  I understand. There is so much work and they have a young son.  You have to understand where you want to place your priorities in those years.  I've been grateful to have them.  I have learned so much about food and health and caring for the earth through them.  I take their lessons with me as I make my way on my own path.

I haven't been here as much, or traveling the interwebs.  Summer just seems to be the time to be outside, you know?  I hope to get back here regularly again.  My old trusty Mac upstairs that I do most of my photos on has glitched out on me and my newer computer down here has a messed up port and I can't plug into it. (Insert reminder to call my sister again to see if her other half can fix it). So I have no access to photos minus the ones from my phone.  But here is one from yesterday.

Happy Autumn!!

morning walk, september 29, 2014

morning walk: 6:12am, 59 degrees....

waking this morning to still dark, sometimes it seems a ridiculous notion, rising before the sun, rising in still night.  yet.....there is a peace this morning.  the dog makes her way slowly down the steps, a light shines from my grandparent's kitchen window meaning that someone has been up already to feed the cat and gone back to bed.  we skirt the edge of the woods, a dot of light here and there in the darkness, our neighbors through the trees.  it is not darkness but dimness, as i can just make out the shapes of the trees and the five deer we startle in the back lot, who go bounding into the safety of the woods, given away by the sound of their footsteps and their white tails. there is a low fog hanging i can just make it out and it lends an air of magic to the morning.  standing in the grass, in the quiet, i sense there is something special about this hour, this birth of the day, this transition, not night, but not yet the waking hour.  my sleepiness, that i brought out with me is gone, as i sit and right this twenty minutes later, the day has still not arrived, i make a cup of tea and sit on the porch a minute waiting for the sun to make it's first entrance over the far field.